Guacamole
Words. I was born with a pen in my hand and words in my heart. The amazing thing about writing is that emotions are expressed in a way that helps sort out the ramblings in my mind. Words resolve the pain that I have felt so many times in my life. They release the feelings that would otherwise cause a volcano to erupt. In short, they provide me with peace and sanity to survive the difficulties I have faced in my life.
God is amazing. When I was going through a difficult time, He spoke to me to resolve a misunderstanding I had for so long. God reached into this challenging time in my life and gave me one word: abandonment. He spoke to me explaining why I felt the way I did. With one word walls began to fall around me and I began to understand myself in a deeper way. Suddenly, the mix of feelings and emotions I faced for years came tumbling down. I had a word that explained it all. Abandonment. One simple word and pictures began to flood my mind. Memories of things that happened in my life came to me. One image after another was suddenly remembered. God began to show me where the core of my pain stemmed from. When I embraced this hurt God began to heal me.
Often I speak about recovery. Each of us are in recovery of some sort in this life on earth. There are those seeking recovery and those needing recovery but on this earth, we all have hurts, habits, hang-ups, and difficulties. But the journey to healing doesn't have to happen alone because we have a Savior, God, that is willing to walk down this road to healing with us. And when we need help He is there to provide the assistance we need. This is what happened to me.
Rejection and abandonment cause people to chase after things to fill that void. Addictions for relationships, drugs, unhealthy habits, insecurities, depression, anxiety, a need for approval . . . The list is endless. But the amazing thing is when we embrace the fact that we love God and tell Him about our struggles God begins to help us heal and suddenly the chains that keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns begin to snap and break. Changes happen in our lives and we begin to heal.
My feeling of abandonment started when I was five and my father separated from my mom. He struggled with sexual addictions. It was his affairs and his own difficulties managing his life that destroyed their marriage. These things, in turn, destroyed his relationship with his children. When he left a hole remained in my heart. His own issues were too extensive and he never got help. Because of this, he could never be the father I so desperately needed. Chaos followed him. When he traveled to visit us he forgot his wallet and on another time, he forgot to leave his wallet and keys at the rental office when we rented a canoe. I'll never forget the outcome of that canoe trip. Twelve feet into the journey our canoe hit a stump and we capsized. My father's wallet and rental keys fell into the lake. It was a miserable ten-mile canoe trip. On another occasion, he shipped a box to us. Inside were dozens of avocados that he placed in the box without any care. What we received was guacamole. Again that hole in my heart began to hurt. My father simply couldn't be the father I so desperately needed. I felt abandoned and alone.
But the amazing thing is that God can take these feelings, these hurts, this pain and turn it around. When I embrace the issues that I face with God and others that I trust, God begins to heal and help me. This pain is still there but suddenly God shapes it into something different. The thorns and weeds of these issues in my life are replaced with roses and beautiful flowers. He takes this pain and turns it into something good. I am thankful God has done this for me.
Maybe you struggle with abandonment as I have. My prayer is that you will embrace this and ask God to begin to heal you. Whatever your pain, God is willing and ready to reach out to you and provide a solution to help you. Nothing is ever impossible with Him. If He can take a man like Saul of Tarsus and turn Him into a man with a love for God don't you think He can help us too? We serve a mighty God that is willing to help us. All we have to do is ask him for help. My prayer is that you will begin to surrender these hurts, hangups, and difficulties to the Lord of the universe. He is aching for you to surrender these things to Him. Don't be afraid. He wants to turn the weeds in your life into something beautiful. My prayer is that you will be willing to surrender these things to Him.